what now?

I don't think I know what to think any longer. Every time I think do, something forcibly smacks the point into me that I don't. I go one way, circumstances veer the other. And I give way. Is that weak? Don't know.

Just now I hurried downstairs to grab the camera so I could load pictures into this week's farm newsletter, and I thought my foot cleared the cricket pull toy, but I wound up half flying, half skating cross the room and simultaneously managed to smack knees into the dishwasher door and head on floor. It was certainly forcible, but left me no clearer.

I'm after change for change's sake now. Is that right? What about my children? Am I the most selfish thing since I don't know what?

They are everything. Pull toy ice skates and markers in bed and tender pureed peas all over every inch of me. I imagine life without sometimes, but I'd never give them up. One glance and the world is brighter, sweeter, and fresher. I would like sleep. But I've got decades for that, or at least I hope I do. I want all for them. I'm so filled with doubts.